If You Really Knew Me.

If you really knew me, you would know that I have already tried to kill myself twice this year, both times were o.d's I never went to hospital and just spent 3 day's throwing up

If you really knew me you would know that I cut a vein in my wrist a couple of nights ago and only stopped cutting because my cat came over to me and rubbed up against my leg

If you really knew me you would know that I have started smoking and cutting myself and am blaming it on my mother when I know it is all my fault

If you really knew me you would know how unhappy I am on the inside. I am so overwhelmed with expectations and fear of losing the ones I love. I will never be good enough and never be worth the effort. I feel alone and sad on a normal basis and I keep my distance from people. I trust no one outside of my immediate family since everyone I ever trusted has burnt me over and over. I give with no thought of return and I care more about people than they would ever care for me. But I'll keep my smile

I'm still madly in love with you. I love my boyfriend, but I will never get over you. You were my first love and it sucks because I don't want to love you anymore.

If you really knew me you would know that I have recently been feeling like crap. I lost my best friend this summer and I think I am turning into one of those people you avoid when you go down the halls. I was diagnosed with depression and still haven't found a way to deal with that. My family pretends like nothing is wrong when in actuality I want to give up everyday but for some reason I fight on, dying a little bit more inside everyday

If you really knew me you'd know I'm tired of feeling as though I've let myself down. Over the past year I've gotten bad grades, gone onto antidepressants, and became a wreck who is constantly scared. You'd know that I'm so angry that I can't just be happy or even feel relaxed ever

If you really knew me you would know that I lost the two people I was closest to last year within 2 months of each other and have tried to kill myself 18 times since. You would know that I self harm in one way every day, and can't handle being touched any more and I've only been distancing myself from you because people scare me and I can't handle losing people any more. You would know that this week alone I've had 53 painkillers and it's tuesday. You would know that all I want is to die..

if you really knew me you'd know I get upset easily. I over think everything and when I do something wrong, I assume everything is wrong with me. if you really knew me you'd know that I value everyone else's feelings before my own and care for others more than I care about myself. if you really knew me you'd know that this smile that is always on my face is a lie and I feel like a failure all the time. if you really knew me you'd know I wish I could change to please everyone but I can't